We Should Be Bears: A Completely Serious Case for Human Hibernation

It’s January again, arguably the worst month of the year. I shouldn’t have been surprised when snow started showing up in the weather forecast, but I had convinced myself that winter was over when December ended. If you live in the midwest currently, you know that assumption was incredibly wrong. The snow has been horrendous, and exacerbated by horrible road conditions the state of Kansas can’t seem to get under control. I’ve been living in Kansas for the past four years and every winter I struggle to accept how they handle severe winter weather and road conditions that are dangerous. To make things worse, I have a job where the inclement weather, along with the safety of their employees, is not considered a major issue. The administration expects us to slip and slide on icy roads that have not been salted or plowed to be at work, so we can assist the precious few who have decided to stupidly brave the weather. There has to be a better way, and since I have zero faith in the state of Kansas’ infrastructure, I propose another solution: hibernation. 

Be honest, does anyone really want to leave your house in the winter time? No, I would almost guarantee not; especially not to go to work. We are not meant to be out in the winter weather; we are meant to be holed up in our homes under a warm blanket with comfort items and snacks only a short distance away. What if we could live like the bears, only having to leave our homes in the spring, summer, and fall? During the winter we could stay in the comfort of our caves and not worry about the tasks outside our homes. 

Hibernation like bears and other creatures hibernate would be quite difficult for humans and would require some evolutionary changes to the human body before it could be accomplished. Wikipedia defines hibernation for animals such as bears and bats as “...a seasonal heterothermy characterized by low body-temperature, slow breathing and heart-rate, and low metabolic rate” (2004). Our bodies are not used to hibernation and I know few people who are able to slow down their own heart-rate and metabolism. In addition to not being able to slow down our bodies internally, bears have their own way of ensuring nothing, not even a trip to the bathroom, will wake them from their slumber. 

Bears have the ability to create a “fecal plug” inside their bodies to keep themselves from needing to relieve themselves during the winter months. The North American Bear Center describes the fecal plug saying, “During 5-7 months in dens, bears accumulate feces in the lower 7-15 inches of the intestine to form a “plug” 1½ to 2½ inches in diameter. The fecal plug is simply feces that have remained in the intestine so long that the intestinal walls have absorbed the fluids out of it, leaving it dry and hard,” (Fischer, 2019). Personally, I could do without the fecal plug. I believe human hibernation would have to involve a toilet for the experience to truly be a good one. 

Perhaps hibernation in the way bears, bats, and other creatures endure the winter is not the answer. While I would love the winter months to be a time for rest and recuperation within the safety of my home, I’m not sure my body could handle actual hibernation. I do believe that policy changes should be made during the winter months when it comes to work, especially in bad weather. Children all over the country have snow days whenever the roads are too dangerous for buses or the temperature is too cold to heat the schools. We do this to keep our children safe, but seemingly forget about the adults they grow into. 

In a report about black ice accidents, KRCR (part of the ABC network) reported, “According to the USDOT Federal Highway Administration, an average of 1,836 deaths and 136,309 injuries occur per year due to snowy and icy roads,” (Bruinsma, 2024). Likely, these accidents occur as people are driving to or from work in dangerous weather conditions. There are some people who know how to drive in the snow and ice who prioritize safety by braking early when coming to a stop and driving a comfortable distance behind the cars in front of them. As we all know, and have probably experienced at one point or another, not all drivers are as considerate. Accidents can happen to any driver though, and while there are preventative measures to take for the individual, none of them guarantee a driver will be accident-free while driving in snow and ice. 

This is the way things have always been, but the expectation for workers to risk their lives in dangerous weather is a bit archaic. There needs to be a solution, and since hibernation would probably be considered an extreme, I offer another solution to this issue.

Currently, The Department of Labor defines hazard pay as “additional pay for performing hazardous duty or work involving physical hardship. Work duty that causes extreme physical discomfort and distress which is not adequately alleviated by protective devices is deemed to impose a physical hardship,” (Hazard Pay, n.d.). While The Department of Labor has mostly defined hazard pay as extra pay for a physically strenuous activity, the U.S. military and the Department of Defense defines it’s version of hazard pay (categorized under Hazardous Duty Incentive Pay or HDIP) as “provid[ing]  a monetary incentive to Service members who volunteer to perform a duty designated as hazardous, based upon the inherent dangers of the duty and risks of physical injury” (Military Compensation, n.d.). While I would not consider driving in the snow nearly as dangerous as active military duty, they do not require the danger to be physical, but a hazard that could cause physical injuries, like a car accident. I believe an optional hazard pay would be the best solution to driving in winter weather. While many jobs don’t have the option to be remote, hazard pay seems like the best option for those who do not.

Hazard pay could be distributed as if overtime pay for workers willing to drive to work in the hazardous weather. Those who choose not to come to work would miss out on the hourly pay and the incentive. Workers who brave the dangerous conditions would be well compensated for putting in the extra effort to make it to work. 

The winter does not require us to put ourselves in danger, or stress about the weather and road conditions. The winter is a time to relax and reset. With that mindset in mind, I believe a change in policy should be implemented. It may not be hibernating like a bear, though I do think living like a bear would be quite interesting. It could be as simple as giving people a little incentive to drive in the snow. Not only could implementing a change protect our physical well-being, but it could perhaps protect our mental well-being as well.

Works Cited

Wikipedia contributors. (2024, January 17). Hibernation. Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Hibernation&oldid=1196564646

Fisher, W. (2019, March 26). Bears’ mysterious “Fecal plug” - North American Bear Center. North American Bear Center. https://bear.org/bears-mysterious-fecal-plug/

Bruinsma, S. (2024, January 12). Black ice leads to accidents in Northstate: CHP urges preparedness and caution. KRCR. https://krcrtv.com/news/local/black-ice-leads-to-accidents-in-northstate-chp-urges-preparedness-and-caution

Hazard pay. (n.d.). DOL. https://www.dol.gov/general/topic/wages/hazardpay

Military Compensation. (n.d.). Hazardous Duty Incentive pay. https://militarypay.defense.gov/Pay/Special-and-Incentive-Pays/HDIP/